My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
