I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
