I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
