If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
