what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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