The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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