Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
