Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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