official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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