i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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