Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
