I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
