there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
