i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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