He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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