4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize