My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize