At least make sure they are 18
Why
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
