Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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