I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
