I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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