p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
