Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
