so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
