Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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