New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
