How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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