the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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