I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
