I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
