hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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