All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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