So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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