those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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