you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
