Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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