Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
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I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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