Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
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I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
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I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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