How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
