soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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