so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
