Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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