You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
