You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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