Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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