I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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