She tied me up with her honor cords...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
