he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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