Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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