I'm really into asian looking animals
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I have vodka in my lungs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
