The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You were trust falling into bushes
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