Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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