My liver just broke up with me...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
