we made out on top of his cat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
