When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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