He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
