Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
