I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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