What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize