I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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