Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
